Wanna Bounce?

After the boys' dentist appointment the other day, my Mom and I thought we would check out Monkey Joes's, which is one of those places with all of the inflatable bouncy houses. It's been raining for 2 weeks straight, my kiddos have been loud and full of energy, why go home when we could go to a warehouse infested with germs and snot and parents who don't watch their kids? I know, sounds like a blast, right?

I was actually pleasantly surprised when we got there. It seemed pretty clean and it since it was noon on a Tuesday, it wasn't very busy, nor filled to the brim freaks, so we were off to a good start. The boys were nervous at first, but once we coaxed them into a new bouncy, we couldn't get them off.

It was close to lunchtime, so we figured we would just get some of their nasty bouncy food since there was no way we were going to get them to leave now.  We didn't want to eat their food, because I was scared it was going to be as gross as Chuck E Cheese but we figured we would try it out.  I made my way to the counter and looked up at the menu to see what they had.  Pizza, hot dogs, pretzels and popcorn....pretty basic junk food.  Then I looked behind Bouncy Girl and saw what was actuallythere.  Two sad hot dogs on one of those rolling racks, 2 unsalted pretzels and an empty popcorn machine (which is too bad for the poor woman who ordered popcorn in front of me.)  Hmph.

It's lunchtime, so there has to be more food somewhere, right?

So I went up and asked Bouncy Girl for 4 slices of pizza.

"Um. Ummmmm, we don't have any pizza.  But we're gonna git more."

"When is that?" I asked.

"Ummmmmmm, in like 30 minutes?"

Are you asking me?  Because I would think that since you are wearing the black and white striped Monkey Joe's shirt, and are standing in front of the food, that you would know a little bit more about the arrival of the pizza than me.

"And are those the only hot dogs you have?" I asked, pointing to the 2 wrinkly hot dogs in the rolly polly bin behind her, that had probably been there since the night before.

"Oh no! We have more in the back"  She was so excited.  I told her I would take 4 hot dogs.

"Oh, well, ahhhhhhhhh.....I have to go get them."

OK, well get the f *@# back there and get them then. What is the problem?

"So you don't have any hot dogs ready?"

"Yah.  No."

I see.

Thanks for clearing that up, Bouncy Girl.

"How do you not have any food prepared at noon, at a kids place?"

**Insert Beavis and Butt-head laugh here from Bouncy Girl**




"I know, right?"

Finally I asked her, "What do you have that will be ready in the next few minutes?"

"Hot dogs."

Of course.

SOLD! to the desperate Mom of hungry twins, trying to bribe them with food to sit for a few minutes!

Then she started to make the popcorn for the poor woman in front of me.

We ate, we drank, we rested.  Then back to bounce.  With full-of-junk stomaches.  Let's keep our fingers crossed for no vomit.

As I followed the boys from bouncy to bouncy I noticed we really weren't freak-free.

There was one girl there, who must have thought Monkey Joe's was a Club, because she came decked out. And when she climbed up into one of the houses after some child (not sure who's it was, maybe she thought it was a teeny tiny cocktail waitress) her hot pink thong stuck out of the back of her jeans.  This was bound to happen, since the ass of her low-rise jeans, went down below her ass when she bent over.  Good choice, Einstein.

Another gem, was this freakishly tall, burly woman.  She had to be over 6' 3" tall. She was wearing flip flops.  I know she was wearing flip flops for 2 reasons.

ONE -  I could see her second toe was WAY longer than the rest of her toes and it kept waving at me.  It kept catching my eye whenever she was near me.  I know lots of people's second toe is longer than their others, but not like this.  I almost wondered if she had experienced some freak accident where she lost that toe and had a giant's middle finger re-attached in it's place.

and

TWO - She kept leaving her flip flops outside of the bouncy houses, when she WENT IN THEM BAREFOOT!  Ewwwwwwwwwwww!

Don't we all know the first rule of fight club is that you don't talk about fight club?!?!?!  Ooops, sorry, wrong rule.

Don't we all know the first rule of bouncy houses, is that you always wear socks in bouncy houses?  YES.  WE DO!  And not only was so going in there barefoot, but she was going in there with that mangled finger-toe she had on those nasty feet of hers.  Ew, **shudder** I can't talk about it anymore.

I think I just threw up in my mouth a little bit.

Then there was one Dad with his son there.  I didn't think anything of him, until I saw him notice this Mom that was there.  This Mom looked like she was from Jersey Shore, with her black hair in a messy knot on the top of her head, and her serious tan.  She was in a cute black yoga outfit and totally pulled off the Mom-in-yoga-pants look way better than most.  Probably because she doesactual yoga.  I know, who knew that's what those pants were for?

I watched Creepy Dad stare at this Mom's ass as she climbed up a bouncy slide to get her little girl. Then I watched him as he climbed up the slide behind her, pretending to help his son up, but really because he wanted to stare directly at her ass, and follow it wherever it went, like some sort of drone missile.  I'm not sure he even remembered he was there with a child. Good God, was that even his child?!?!?  I pointed him out to my Mom who was totally grossed out. I was tempted to warn her... let her know that this creep of a Dad was following her ass around, and that he reminded me of a character out of Criminal Minds, but then my Mom suggested we go for an ice cream and I forgot about them.  I'm sure she's fine.  Although I did hear that story in the news.......nah......

All in all, it was a fun day.  The boys made a little friend named Kieran there, and the three of them ran from bouncy to bouncy, and went down all the slides together screaming.  It was really cute.  And his Mom was this adorable hippie chick, with dreads.  And with the exception of Creepy Dad and Finger Toe, all the parents were great about being with their kiddos.  This meant I could just enjoy time with my kids rather than be on alert for any little jerks trying to hurt them.

Now, I am NOT going to ask you to vote for me at Top Mommy Blogs.  I know, that's been annoying, huh?  (But if you love me and want to vote, you certainly can!)  A blogger bud of mine told me I should enter my blog in a contest on Circle of Moms' website.  It's the Top 25 Moms of Multiples.  I have been a member of Circle of Mom's for years and never really checked it out.  If you are a Mom, you should.  It's a very cool site.  But if you want to just give a vote to little ol' me, that would be great too.  You can go up to the pink circle and click on it.  Scroll down to number 93 (yes, 93, I know, that's why I need your help!) click the vote button and you're done.  This contest only goes until May 23rd, so I won't bother you too much about it!  Love to you all!