What Are My Chances?

So I am going to be a lottery winner.  I'm just letting you know, in case I am gone for a while.  I wouldn't want you to worry about me.  But if I win, I will be taking a small break from my blog to make media appearances and shop like crazy.  I don't mean Bentley and Masserati shopping, but you can bet your ass, I will shop the SHIT out of Target.  I'll have them close the store for me, so I can shop without Target Mom and little Brittney Marie getting in my way, polluting my ears with their crazy. 

At work, we've been putting money in to buy up a bunch of tickets.  This will be the 4th drawing ... the other three had no winners.  And I have convinced myself that we are going to win this time.  For real.  Now of course, I really, truly believed that we were going to win those other 3 times too, but whatever.....this time is different.  Stop mocking me.  Seriously, shut it.  I'm going to be a millionaire soon, so you had better be nice to me.

We've all done that before, even if it's not with the lottery, right?  REALLY and truly believed that something was going to happen ... something crazy, that probably wasn't going to happen, but you somehow convinced yourself that it was..... like winning 10 million dollars?  Or having a baby girl even though an trained ultrasound technician told you she saw 2 penises on the screen in front of her?  What the hell does she know,anyways?  Whore. 

She said she was a
real doctor.

Ahem.....anywho....I know it seems silly, but you never know......

Well, I know.....

I know the odds aren't much better that.....

.... I will ever get to take a shower/pee/brush my teeth/change my clothes without one OR two children busting through the door on me.  When did they learn how to pick locks anyways?

.... I will ever fit into that cute skirt that has been hanging in my closet for years, waiting for me to lose the last of that "baby weight".  Yes, I am well aware that my "babies" are 4, wise guy.  And now, no money for you when I win.

.... my sons will always remember to call me on my birthday and Mother's Day.  I'm not even going to set the bar for presents, we'll just see how the whole calling thing goes first.  Although my bestie sister in law has vowed to always call them and remind them to be good to me.  Thanks Bets!

I couldn't decide which one
to use

.... college will be affordable when it comes time for my kiddos to go.  Education is over rated anyways, right? 

.... I will make the top 10 on the Top Mommy Blogs website.  That's a dare people.  Like the annoying Facebook posts that "dare" you share this post about dolphin's rights/baby dandruff/Khony and/or JCPenny hiring Ellen as their spokesperson by saying they just "KNOW" you won't re-post it.  Don't you dare me bitches, I will post it all over the place!  What do you think of THAT!  (just click the brown button at the bottom of this post, or at the top of my blog.  I "know" you won't)

... my boys will decide that I am the only woman for them and stay with me forever.

.... my boys will indeed marry, but will still do whatever I ask, whenever I ask, including never moving more than one hour away from me, or each other.  Cuz I will follow them.  And figure out a way to split myself in half so I am always near them both.  Creepy, I know.  Yes, I am crazy.  And yes, Chris knows this.

.... one of my twins will be a girl.

.... I will win the lottery.


BUT......

....you never know.