The Whole New Kim

So I decided to become a runner. Not when I was like 18 or 25, but a few months ago. Yes, it was right around Marathon Monday, so? I'm like a lot of people and I like quick fixes - weight loss, fitness, getting the boys to sleep through the night (thank you Dr. Ferber), potty training the boys, my computer crashing (thank you Ariel), my TV breaking (thank you Mom and Dad) - you get the point. Sometimes quick fixes work, most times they don't, especially with health and fitness. I am very well aware of this fact, but I still try.
So the nice weather started this year and I started to see more and more people running. They made it look so easy, and they all had such great legs! Plus, after watching The Biggest Loser for so long, I figured if these people can get to that scary ranch and run a mile on day one, while weighing 300+ pounds, with Jillian screaming her made-up psycho therapy in their faces, I can get off the couch and run too.  I started to get motivated and my neighbor and I started talking about how we wanted to get in shape, but haven't been able to because of X, Y & Z. We all have those X, Y and Z's - not real reasons but they are the excuses we use for why we haven't dropped those pounds yet. But this time was different. This time I was going to do it. I asked Chris if he thought a 38 year old could become a runner. I expected him to roll his eyes and walk away. You see, I start a "Whole New Kim" every January 1st. Then I re-start a diet every Monday until the next January 1st. So I didn't think Chris would take me very seriously. But to my surprise he said, "Sure, you just have to start out slow. Like run from one telephone pole to the next. Then walk to the next one and so on." Huh, that sounded good. My neighbor's husband said the same thing, "Sure, just start out slowly, only do like, a mile." Whaaaaat? A mile? I thought a mile was going to be a milestone I worked up to - a milestone where I rewarded myself with a hot fudge sundae when I was done! I nodded, and was like, "Yah, a mile, sure."
I am friends with a few runners and started talking to them about my latest Whole New Kim idea. They are real runners - they wear running shorts, and cute sports bra as tops and real running sneakers - they're the real deal. They would tell me what to do. A few of them suggested looking into the Couch to 5K program, which was the same program some other friends used to start running and they really liked it. It says it can train you to run a 5K in 3 months. I had looked into it before and was intrigued but it seemed like a lot to keep track of while actually running and I had never tried it. This time was going to be different though. I had just gotten an iPhone and surprise surprise - there's an app for that! I downloaded the Couch to 5K app, set up my Pandora radio stations and checked that off my list of things to do to become a runner. Next up, sneakers - I went out and bought some sneakers - check. See, I was practically a runner already.
So I started out walking around my block for a few days - I didn't want my body to go into complete shock when I began moving it!  Then I decided that I would become a runner on the following Monday. That would be the day.  That's when the "Whole New Kim" always started, so it made perfect sense right?  So Monday arrived, and I woke up motivated, put on my shoes, plugged in my earphones, stretched outside and pushed "start" on my new Couch to 5K app and a nice lady told me to begin my warm up walk. I started my warm up, ran when she told me to, and gladly walked when she told me to. I thought, "Hey, this isn't so bad, I can do this. I AM doing this.  I AM A RUNNER!" The first week, you are really only running for about 9 minutes, but this was more than I would normally run unless I was being chased by some sort of criminal, so I was pleased. The plan tells you to take a day off in between run days so your body can recover. I wasn't even sore the next day! This was much different than the time I made an appointment with a trainer at my gym. That time, The Whole New Kim decided she was going to be a gym "regular".  I made an appointment with a trainer at the gym I paid to NOT go to and met with her one night after work.  Looking back, I should have sued her! She worked me so hard and on some of those scary machines that the big muscle guys use too - I swear she used the same amount of weight too! I should have known something was wrong when I watched my legs shake and give out on one of the leg press machines. I think one of those skinny, pretty girls who does the stair climber for 2 hours without sweating, laughed at me too.  If I could have walked, I would have gone over there and..........OK, I wouldn't have done anything, but I was still mortified. Anywhooo....I had to call in sick to work the next day, because I couldn't walk! Poor Chris literally had to help me sit down and stand up because my legs were so weak and hurt so badly!  I went to Shaws to get some Advil and some other stuff and as I stepped off the sidewalk I actually fell to the ground - my legs gave out on me! I was so embarrassed - what could make it worse?  A little old lady had to help me up - no lie! Once I got to the car, I realized I had forgotten a bag with my water and Advil in it, but I said "forget it" (well, I used a different "f" word, but you get the point) because the thought of the 25 minute, 20 foot walk to the door of the store, made me want to cry. But I digress.....I felt great after my first day of running! I was on my way to becoming a runner!
So I did another day of this and felt just as good. I was actually looking forward to doing it again, I wondered if I really had to skip a day. I did though - me and Linebacker Mom like to follow directions - I wanted to follow it the right way, and I didn't want to hurt myself and have to rely on old people in the supermarket parking lot to help me again. I went out for my 3rd day, feeling great - not at all dreading the nice lady's voice telling me to run (even though as day 1 went on, I started to think she was kind of a bitch).  I was about 2 minutes away from my last run of the day and something clicked in my hip and then came the pain.  I thought to myself, "Really?  Hip pain?  What am I, 85? Come on!!!"  For a second though, I thought to myself, "I'm a runner, I have a runner's injury."  I pictured myself having to go to the doctor and how I would proudly tell him that I hurt myself while running.  But then I thought he might ask how long I had been a runner and I'd have to admit it was for 3 days.  Kinda sad - my little daydream was over.  I walked home, frustrated and took a shower.  I was telling a mom in our preschool group about my new endeavor and how I  hurt myself and she told me she was a Physical Therapist and that it sounded like I was out of alignment, blah, blah, blah.  Then all of the other moms there told me how they used to be runners, and LOVED running, but they couldn't do it anymore because it was so tough on their bodies.  Great. 

So my running career seems to be over.  No Boston Marathon for me.  It's

been a few months and my hip still hurts (yes, wise guy, it really does).  Of course I now use this as one of my excuses to not exercise.  I will end up going back to being a walker.  Just like the old lady that helped me out in the parking lot.  Maybe she'll let me walk with her.  I'll have to get a fanny pack. 

It just stinks, you want to find something that you enjoy doing, so you are motivated to keep doing it.  And I talk about how we all have our X, Y and Z's we use, but it really is hard to find time to exercise.  We are all running around all over the place, taking care of everyone but ourselves (well, I have a feeling Target Mom takes care of herself).  And I don't know about you, but at the end of the day, when I do have time to myself, exercise is the ABSOLUTE last thing I want to do.  I want to watch my DVR'd TV and eat the snacks I have been hoarding and hiding all day long.  I really was enjoying my new activity and maybe when my hip stops hurting, I can try again.  For right now though, I am going to keep writing my blog, while picking all the blue M&M's out of the bag. I have til Monday to figure out what's next for Whole New Kim!