Miley, Miley, Miley.
Everyone is talking about you.
Honestly, her performance didn't affect me the way it affected many.
I wasn't "horrified" like the Smith Family was.
|This picture is HILARIOUS. It makes me laugh out loud, although I've heard them say they |
weren't reacting to Miley here. Look at Jaden's face.
I wasn't "outraged" like all the Parent Groups out there. Maybe that makes me a bad Mom.
I mean, who lets their young children watch the VMA's anyways? I wasn't allowed to watch MTV when I was a kid, never mind the VMA's.
I still don't think I am.
I did (sorry Mom). But that was back when MTV actually showed music videos.
Before you go judging me, thinking I am pro-Miley (which would never happen because her voice alone drives me insane), let me explain.
I wasn't horrified, insulted, offended or even surprised by her performance. I actually felt super awkward for her. She exited the teddy bear (disturbing in and of itself) trying to rock out like Marshall Mathers, grabbing her balls and waving her hands in the air like she was Rabbit in 8 Mile. It was painful to watch. She just wasn't pulling off the whole "bad ass" thing, in my opinion. Although she really wanted to. Really badly.
I worked through the pain of watching though.
You know, for research.
For this "article".
You're welcome. Anywho....
And then there's that tongue.
Who the hell finds that hot?
|This is her exiting the teddy bear. Poor thing. I bet it felt better getting that out.|
Do men think that's hot?
Are there any men reading this?
Hello? Chris? Now's your chance to prove you read this little blog of mine.
Just like I became my
|Who didn't love Growing Pains?|
Did I say that right? Can you "twerk up on someone"? I'm still not sure I fully understand "twerking".
Didn't we all see this coming?
I mean, she shaved half her head, died her hair platinum blonde and started wearing nothing but half shirts and bright red lipstick.
It was only a matter of time before she started "shocking her fans", showing up naked on TV or releasing sex tapes. I guess we should be glad she was only inappropriate with a giant teddy bear and a 36 year old man. Wait, what?
She doesn't want to be Hannah Montana anymore. She doesn't want to be a Disney girl anymore. She doesn't want to be a girl at all anymore. That's what she's telling us. She's ready to be a woman. She's ready to be Pink, Madonna, Brittney, Gwen, Gaga, Christina ... anyone ... but Hannah. And what says, "I AM a woman" better, than .........
......sticking your tongue out like a little girl?
Loud and clear.
You're a big girl now.
Those poor teddy bears.
That poor foam finger.
How about we make a deal?
I will consider you an all-grown-up-woman, if you just put that tongue of yours away. Every article about your "outrageous VMA performance", features a picture of your damn tongue. I'm all set.
And please stop grabbing your not-there-balls, like you're a rapper. You're not.
You may not be Hannah Montana anymore, but you are also not Eminem.
|I love him. Just fyi....|
Just sing your big girl songs, with your red lips and your half shirts. I feel like that - you can pull off.
At least for now. Grab your balls later, after you've practiced it a little bit more.