I clicked on it.
Not because I was nervous that my current exercise regimen of nothing, wasn't doing what I thought it was doing. But because I wanted another excuse not to exercise. Like, "Oh, see. Walking isn't as great as I think it is. I had better just stay here on the couch with my 6th box of Thin Mints." At least then I'd be doing bicep curls of cookie to mouth, cookie to mouth.
Here's what they have taught me. See if you're surprised.
1. Kettlebell Swings. They guess we would assume that these are good for your shoulders and arms, when really they work your hips, glutes and hamstrings. Huh. You guessed I would assume that, did you? You should have guessed that I would ask, what the hell is a kettlebell and does it involved kettle corn in any way?
|This would be me. Minus the cammo overall ski pants |
and hat as work out wear.
I mean, I'm assuming her "form" is off?
2. Modified Push Up. You'd think that this would work the same muscles as a regular push up, they say. Well, you're wrong! YOU.ARE.WRONG! You're not working your core during modified push ups, you fools!
I feel like anytime I am successful at holding up my own weight, vertically or horizontally, it's a win. I can barely take plain old standing, never mind planking up and down. And let's be honest, a modified push up is my version of those strong people who clap in between their push ups. And if you see me doing a modified push up, just check on me please. It could be that I was trying to tie my shoe and am attempting to simply stand up. I may need your help.
|I like to exercise at the beach, by the water. It calms me.|
3. Leg Lifts. Turns out, there's no such thing as "lower abs", just one long ab, or your six pack muscle. So they say doing leg lifts to isolate your lower abs is unnecessary. Well, jokes on them because I thought I was doing leg lifts to isolate my legs, so take that trainers!
|This dummy thinks she's working her lower abs....pffft. Silly girl.|
4. Pull Ups. Working your arms and shoulders? Nope. Your back. Ka-blam, mind blown.
Not blown? Me either. Because like with the modified push up, I can barely HOLD my own weight up, never mind PULL my own weight up anywhere. And not because I'm heavy, because I have no upper body strength, and lets face it, no desire to. Never have. Not since Mr. Howie's dreaded gym class. And if my life depended on it, we all know I'm making poor Chris pull my ass up to wherever it needs to be.
5. Ball Slams. Really? Ball Slams? Here's what they say. "Hurling a heavy ball at the ground may seem like a challenge for your arms and shoulders, but it's actually all about your back and core." Is that how it seems? It seems to me to be some sort of tantrum. Hurling a ball at the ground? And more of a cardio workout, as it seems you would need to go chasing after the ball after you slammed it down. And I can't imagine telling people that I just finished slamming balls. This is DEFINITELY an exercise that doesn't do what I think it does. See? You learn something new every day.
Well, there you go.
I hope I have educated you and shed some light on some of the exercises that you may be doing each and every day.
Or never, like me.
The more I think about it, the more I think I may take up Ball Slams. I just like saying it. I feel like when people ask me what I do for exercise, "Ball Slams" sounds pretty funny. And c'mon, we play ball with our kids every day, right? Slamming it may even be cathartic, you know, like running is for runners. Or so I hear.
C'mon, how about a click for BALLS!
Slamming. Ball Slamming, you dirty dogs.